One of the least discussed realities of dementia care is this:
the caregiver’s nervous system is always part of the equation.
Even when a person with dementia can no longer follow a conversation, they still respond immediately to emotional cues — tone of voice, pace of movement, breath, and tension. If a caregiver is rushed or overwhelmed, the person with dementia often becomes more agitated. If the caregiver settles, the person often settles too.
This is not psychology. It’s physiology.
Before I ever introduce silence-based practices to someone with dementia, I teach caregivers how to quiet themselves first. Here is one of the simplest ways to do that — it takes about 30 seconds.
Before approaching the person you care for:
- Pause where you are.
- Take one slow, gentle breath.
- Let your shoulders drop slightly.
- Soften your jaw and your gaze.
- Move toward them more slowly than usual.
That’s it.
This small pause shifts your nervous system out of urgency and into steadiness. And because nervous systems co-regulate, the person with dementia often feels that shift immediately.
In my work with Resonant Silence Technique (RST®), I’ve seen this moment change interactions that used to feel impossible. Conversations become easier. Care tasks meet less resistance. Emotional intensity softens.
Silence, in this context, isn’t empty. It’s a signal of safety.
Caregivers don’t need to be perfect. They need moments of calm they can return to — again and again. When caregivers find stillness within themselves, they often create the conditions for stillness in the person they love.
Sometimes the most effective support begins before a single word is spoken.
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