I never thought I'd be writing about this topic, yet here we are. I feel like this issue has become so endemic to young male culture that the obvious must be clearly stated.
These tips are solely for young single men who are frustrated with dating women. I'm not an expert. This isn't professional advice. I'm a white, male, married engineer who dated for many years, and I have known many engineers who struggle with this issue. I feel like I have some practical advice to give that doesn't involve Andrew Tate or Red Pill culture.
The Engineering Approach to Dating
The crux of the problem is that many single men do not put in the required effort to attract a woman (or any person, for that matter). Some of it is laziness—we've all been there. Some of it is genetics. Some of it is circumstance. Generally, you don't have control over all those things, so you have to let them go and focus on things that truly serve your long-term goals. Only you can truly decide what those are and start moving in that direction.
In a way, you can address the courtship problem with an engineering mind. Dating is a system. To get the desired outputs, you need to determine the correct inputs. This is traditionally done through trial and error. However, it seems like instead of experimentation, men are giving up entirely. Sometimes it's conscious, sometimes not.
Regardless, there are some basic things you can try, which will probably also make you a happier person:
Hygiene – Bro, brush your teeth, use mouthwash, shower regularly, use soap. It's not that hard.
Get a good-paying job – Harder, but doable.
Sleep as best as you can – Even harder, but doable.
Exercise – At least 3 times a week at a gym or studio with other people.
Eat well.
Get some decent clothes and shoes. Shoes are important.
Do activities that involve women – This is a pretty big topic. Weirdly, I don't think the gym is great for meeting women, especially if they're working out by themselves with headphones on. However, if it's a group fitness class, that's usually a better bet. (It is still important to stay healthy, so a gym with no babes is still worthwhile). Salsa or swing classes are usually pretty good. Yoga classes as well. Try in-person speed dating if possible.
Cut back on "Bro/Video game" time – You may need to reduce this. It's ok; it's not the end of the world. Balance is good.
Make some friends who are women – Age doesn't matter. Just don't be too weird.
Get a dog or cat – But actually take care of it.
You don't need to do all of these things, but I would say most of them are pretty important. They all require effort. I know, it's tough. I'm partially saying this in jest, but I also believe it. You don't have to be a pickup artist or a model to go on dates. I'm not a swinger, just a married man who dated in the past and sees many men struggling.
Reading the Signals
Also, remember: it's not rude to ask someone out for coffee if you're already having a good chat and she is showing signs of interest. Let's go into some basic signs of interest from her, shall we?
She is contributing to the conversation.
She appears to be happy in your presence.
She is touching any part of your body.
I know this sounds ridiculously obvious to some people, but you'd be surprised how clueless some men can be. I was at one time. If she's not demonstrating any of those things, then you should probably end the conversation respectfully, or just treat them like any other respectful person. No harm, no foul, no biggie.
In the post-Me Too era, many men may think that any show of interest is bad. Quite the contrary. It's ok to show interest. Just do it respectfully.
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